Where there is a wall, there is a way.
The piece is purely a work of fiction and bears no connection to anyone living or dead. It is just a figment of my imagination, and should be treated as such. But it’s a fun read, and a satire on what I believe is a very serious problem is this beautiful city.
WHERE THERE IS A WALL, THERE IS A WAY
Peeing in public is a very popular sport in Chennai. Wet patches can be found on almost any wall in the city, even on a sunny day. Such is the passion with which it is practised.
The local record for the highest patch is 4 feet and 3 inches. It stands in the name of a gentleman by name, P.P. Peeter. For a while rumours did go around about the record being achieved with the help of a stool. But only till Pee Pee sir (as he fondly referred to by his fans) quashed the allegations by offering to repeat the feat live on national television. This did catch the imagination of the man on the streets, and overnight Pee Pee went from being just another prick on the wall to the city’s phallic symbol.
The plan however fizzled out when Pee Pee refused to wear the sponsor’s logo. The sponsors didn’t understand Pee Pee’s stance, and in their defence referred to superstar cricketers who wore logos on the tools with which they practised their trade. It also left their ad agency very disappointed, as they lost out on what they maintained was as an emerging medium of advertising.
So at 4 feet and 3 inches it stood, and still stands.
A few months ago, Pee Pee retired from the sport he graced for over 2 decades. “It’s time to make way for the younger lot”, he told the press. “In my finest hours, I touched great heights. Now I want to put my feet up.” One journo did point out that it would be a lot harder with his feet up, but was tactfully ignored by Pee Pee, who said, “Next question.” He also informed the press of his autobiography that would soon be hitting the stands. The Rising by P. P. Peeter.
Pee Pee Peter’s son, an energetic 8 year old named Repeeter, following in his father’s footsteps, is now making waves on the city’s walls.
Will he break the long standing record?
The city holds its breath. In anticipation? I guess not.
Its a sad fact that the few public lavatories in Chennai are’nt usable by any measure. Driving around in an AC car doesn’t help either. But help is sure at hand… Shopping Malls… Restaurants… I just head straight to a Restaurant, have a tid-bit and visit Pakistan( thats our nickname for the toilet).
Heehee :)
Actually I don’t see how Chennai is different from other Indian cities – excepting may be Bangalore and Chandigarh. I’ve seen worse in Mumbai. A guy who’d otherwise be called one of those cool ones – with a sneaker, backpack et al was peepeeing on a busy road (Link Road in Goregaon). That wasn’t abnormal. What was abnormal was he was doing that facing the road. God, that was disgusting. Will India ever get rid of this and pawn spitting?
Actually I don’t see how Chennai is different from other Indian cities – excepting may be Bangalore and Chandigarh. I’ve seen worse in Mumbai. A guy who’d otherwise be called one of those cool ones – with a sneaker, backpack et al was peepeeing on a busy road (Link Road in Goregaon). That wasn’t abnormal. What was abnormal was he was doing that facing the road. God, that was disgusting. Will India ever get rid of this and pawn spitting?
Thats one sport we can take the gold at, hands down. Too bad it isnt in the lympics.
Personally, the most disgusting public releiving experience was in blr. Was waiting at the signal, and this fat lady comes to the edge of the footpath, turns around, lifts her saree, and goes facing the vehicles. Felt like gouging my eyes out :(
Even the traffic fled the junction pretty quick.
What! How could they have showed this on National Telivision. It is against our ethics! Some low-level court should ban this fellow from peeing!
oh man..dat was a good post..the only thing we can stop this is by making them feel its a embarrassing situation like when ever i see some one i shout in simple engish “hello!!!..not allowed” whil walking past them…
Great post Manoj! The problem of peepee in Chennai certainly can’t be poohpoohed! (Although there is enough pooh around to come a close second!)This is certainly one problem that has many people pissed off. Are more public toilets the solution? I think not, as the problem stems from the generally held belief that ‘the world is my toilet’. One solution may be to slap a stiff feefee on anyone caught peepeeing in public, but that may be considered a shot below the belt. The other solution may be to popularise a former prime minister’s use of peepee for health purposes. However, that may be difficult to swallow.Awareness, followed by penalties such as having to clean up peepee and other deposits in areas of the city for a week, is the only answer.
People caught doing this should be forced to clean it up themselves and also should be given a fine and made to clean up the city as community service. Then people like this will learn there lesson if they still do not comply then the police should be brought in to ruff them up and teach them a lesson. Then these dirty people will understand not to pee everywhere as Chennai just smells of this everywhere quite disgusting.