Chennai’s sexual anxiety
Chenthil during a recent mini-Vodkathon tells me (and a gang of five) that Tamil men never get laid before marriage. They also lack the confidence to approach and flirt with girls - brash and brazen. Whether that is true or not, I don’t know. He doesn’t either, really speaking. But if was funny in a way that I can’t quite bring out in this blog post.
How many guys in Chennai actually have sex before marriage? The hurdles are many - moral, cultural, psychological and sexual. At the end of the day, we are probably the most sexually repressed metropolis in the country.
I am not talking of paid sex. I am talking of live-in relationships, casual sex, sex of the kind the Pope doesn’t recommend.
A recent post on Valentine’s Day had this blog’s ‘devoted’ commentators exchanging barbs. V-Day, one reader finds, promotes one-night stands. One group calls the other immoral and in turn gets called chauvinistic.
But how moral are we? Going by the crime reports I read in the paper, this is not a population that avoid extra marital sex. Husbands kill cheating wives and women with the help of their “illicit lovers” occasionally manage to murder a husband or two. If we constantly sleep outside marriage, why not sleep before it? I know the point of the report is the murder, but I can’t help thinking of all the instances when sex provoked it.
Tamil culture is not homogeneous if I know anything about it. Nothing in our history or literature suggests one way or the other.
I don’t know of many girls who want to get laid and are willing it to calling it by that name. Guys on the other hand want to, at least to be cool. But do they? Or do they remain sexually anxious until their marriage? What do you think?
Related posts:
Well,
Here’s a first!
http://chennaionline.com/film/tv/Nov07/11article54.asp
Nandhu,
It is fantastic that you have chosen to continue with the V Day debate, showing just how important sex is to Indians.
I wont debate much about sex though. Except to say - it has always amazed me how finding after findings say that men have extra marital sex, pre marital sex and one night stands, but among women, these figures have constitently been far lower. It is easy to see that either one of the sexes is fantasising or plain fibbing. Both can be attributed to natural attitudes.
The sexual attitudes of females have changed entirely over the past two decades and nowadays, even a one night stand is no big deal. Probably it never was, but now the opportunities to meet and have sex have increased. The one big constraint has always been and continues to be a place. And again, rich men and beautiful women are in great demand, precisely because of this reason.
Having said this, I would like to remind people here of 2 things :
1. There is nothing chauvinistic , gender biased or religion biased about opposing V Day.
2. My main grouse is the increasing hard core feminism that is apparent in the increasing divorce rates encouraged by grouchy feminists.
The loss of family values is directly related to increasing feminism. In a study in the USA, where no-frills-divorce is allowed, 70% of the initiators of divorce were females! V Day is one day which is Breeds and Feeds such values which are against any family commitment.
I am sorry, but I dont agree with one thing here at all. Womens ‘lib’ is one thing. But outright obliterating mens rights is totally another.
While the first is all very well and gels with the natural hysteria and female inferiority complex, the other is about a divorced Renuka victimising all males to avenge for her own divorce as well as her daughters. When a person who has not committed any crime, begins to fear punishment under the provisions of a law, it is not a law anymore - it is state sponsored terrorism.
It would be an unfortunate thing if feminism, and I dont think this is a tame issue, were to become a hard core political issue in the 21st century.
The Communal BJP seeks to do this too, probably scared of the corrupt congressis lusting for the female vote bank.
But to ignore feminism, with 40% divorce rates in Mumbai, and most young women influenced by other scorned feminists, would be at society’s and ones own, peril. This will affect a majority of Indian males soon.
http://www.498a.org
http://www.mynation.net
This is so so so similar to the discussion i had over at my blog a month back.
Woman:Bitch::Man:?
But then we weren’t talking about Chennai men alone, but men thru’ the world. Check this out …
Parthasarathy: Sigh!
Is it hard to talk about sex without bringing divorce, women’s liberation and the obligatory Renuka Choudhary reference, not to mention the extra comment solely to include a link to the website that you are associated with?
It’s getting tiresome seeing your folk (yes, i said your folk VERY derogatorily. Sue me!) hijack every single discussion remotely related to women.
Can we TRY to stick to the topic, sir?
Parthasarathy:
Feminism is the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. Looks like you are not able to deal with it. LOSER.
Instead of hiding your identity through a blog, go out to the streets and try voicing your opinion!!! You and your opinions are part of a minority. The rest of the people in that minority have had psychriatic treatment, what are you waiting for?
Firstly, I am not sure what Nandhu wants us to fight over about ’sex’.
And, it does look like there is nothing here to debate about really! If plainly derogatory and personal attacks and name calling, as in the previous post, are ideas of ‘debate’, I am afraid this as a pure waste of time.
Anantha, if you did want to write something about sex, please do so.
Tamizhan, Hard core feminism as practised by Congressi Ministers is no docile ‘feminism’, but is dangerous, and specifically made for Indian males. http://www.498a.org is where you can see the fate of thousands of Indian male victims.
" Feminism is the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." is your idea; not mine. Sorry!
The Human Rights Commission is a powerless organisation and therefore, a National Commission for Men must be established to ensure equality of the sexes.
The Government however, is only concerned with appeasement of Muslims and Women. Men are mere animals for the Government, and can never organise themselves into votebanks. And so women will continue to be pampered. Since they have been legally allowed, they misuse the law to harass men. After all, women are portrayed as if they can never commit a crime, never lie, never misuse laws, and never have any bad intentions.
Those who agree with me, kindly visit this webpage to sign the petition : http://www.pariwariksuraksha.org
http://www.petitiononline.com/dowry/petition.html
Parthasarathy, your points are exactly the same comment after comment after comment. I think you should not bother commenting as we all know what you want to say almost verbatim! And by the way, this post by Nandhu was on a different point altogether and unfortunately, but not surprisingly, your comments are back to what you always say and have no relevance to the above post. By making people respond to your comments which have nothing to do with the actual post you are effectively hijacking the argument to suit your needs- your need being to talk about divorce rates, women’s lib, Renuka Choudhary and so on.
I have seen the links you have provided and what it tells me is that there are criminal elements who misuse the existing law. But that is not to say that the entire law should be scrapped or that all women should be made to pay for the misdeeds of a few. It is a fact that women have been suppressed in our society for centuries that there has to be laws passed to safeguard them. I agree that men who feel victimised need a forum to air their grievances. But what is NOT fair is you taking over Chennai metroblog to be a spokesman for such fora.
Parthasarathy: The attention you need to seek is from a Psychiatrist and not the audience of this blog.
someone alerted me on this post and the previous one on vday - not too long ago I wrote about a similar thing - it fits the comments and the previous post - im too busy to rewrite what I know most of you can’t rebut and will then proceed to try to belittle me - have fun
http://visithra.blogspot.com/2005/09/submissive-morals.html
Submissive Morals
Warning : I do not think ALL men as such nor do I hate men. As you all know I have wonderful male friends whom I cherish and I have seen a number of male bloggers who have rose to depend this issue. Kudos to them. This is targeted to the women and men who use culture to bind others.
What right does a person have, to tell another what they can or cannot do?
Why is it ok for a man to drink and party yet morally indecent for a women to do so?
Why are men who return home late viewed as working late or spending time with friends where else the women who are found coming home late are subjected to gossip of she’s coming back from sleeping with someone or she’s probably a prostitute somewhere. Live in an apartment and right from the security guard to the nosy neighbour everyone would have their own version.
Why is every action of a women, scrutinized by so called moral police in the name of culture?
What culture are we talking about here? Which sacred practitioners are we talking about here?
The people who turned the temple dancers of the ancient art of Bharathanatyam into daasi’s?
The ones who later turned villages into daasi breeding societies?
The ones who practiced infanticide?
The ones who nurtrued and safeguarded the ancient and oldest profession in the world - prostitution?
The ones who scorned the women who tried to bring back the dignity of Bharathanatyam and later celebrated her?
The ones who spend the night with mistress, abuse their wives and act as saints when daylight shines?
The ones who drink till roosters crow and over a bottle preach that women are losing their morals drinking and smoking, partying away?
The ones who frequent bars, watch women enjoying themselves and go back and call them sluts over gin and vodka?
The ones who frequent prostitute dens and insist on virgin wives?
Isn’t it enough that generations of women have suffered abuse, thrown into a trade they did not choose, demoralisation all for the whims and fancy of men?
I read a fathers cry of bringing up wonderful confident daughters who are now being subjected to abuse as they weren’t the timid women the mother in law was hoping to find at another blogs comment section. Isn’t it sad how our society is moving backwards back into people who turned dancers into daasi’s with the sting of their tongues?
Here is a man who gave his daughters the freedom only to see them suffer under women who want submissive daughter in laws to prod and reign! Society is making him rethink the freedom he gave his daughters to grow!
Why are we moving backwards? This isn’t culture we’re defending here but man created social norms to ensure women remain submissive!
This is the same people who will shun a rape victim and accuse her of dressing to be raped or instigating the rapists with her actions. This is the same people who will call rape and molest victims as spoiled goods and sluts. What holy crap!
Sadly we aren’t the only race who have such ill mentalities - god bless us!
Anand,
Thank you for seeing the links I have provided. Maybe you will convince yourself rather slowly in time that hard core ‘feminism’ and related issues are the MOST serious issues facing Indian ( and indeed world-wide ) males and not a figment of imagination. As for only a ‘few’ being victimised, you will have to go through the links many more times. If you are still not convinced, maybe there is nothing more for me to do to convince you, or others of your kind.
Merely targetting a person for ‘hijacking the debate’, without substance of your own, is no debate. So what if you ‘know verbatim about my argument’? What is YOURS?
I am yet to see any positive contribution from you, or indeed anyone else to any so called ‘debate’ here.
FEMINISM HAS BECOME AN IMPORTANT ISSUE FOR INDIAN MALES AND MUST BE COMBATED ON A WAR-FOOTING.
Those who agree with me, kindly visit this webpage to sign the petition :
http://www.pariwariksuraksha.org
http://www.petitiononline.com/dowry/petition.html
Merely targetting a person for ‘hijacking the debate’, without substance of your own, is no debate. So what if you ‘know verbatim about my argument’? What is YOURS?
Parthasarathy: Ever heard of the "Pot Kettle Black" hypothesis? Most of us here are not n00bs. I have seen your link(s) multiple times on the comments section of a certain other website. And I clicked on it the first couple of times because I wanted to read what you guys had to say. But after the first few instances, it soon became apparent yo me that you had nothing to say apart from pasting the same links over and over again or cut-pasting really long incoherent rants on the subject, or media articles with unsubstantiated statistics.
Now I don’t even go to the other website because in the garb of free speech, the people behind the site have been forced to give space to every single repeat comment such as yours.
I understand you need a forum and I understand your cause is a worthy cause. But I am not sure if your cause can take precedence over any remotely feminine subject (empowerment related or otherwise).
I know that comments are not usually moderated here (though my first comment on this post today did not get posted at all apart from the "waiting to be approved" message I saw soon after i posted), so your fellow commentors are forced to address you to perhaps use your right (to express opinions/comments here) selectively to make sure you don’t spoil our experience here.
‘FEMINISM HAS BECOME AN IMPORTANT ISSUE FOR INDIAN MALES AND MUST BE COMBATED ON A WAR-FOOTING.’
LOL……..Thats right Parthasarathy. Go to war with the women. You are very likely to come back from that war with your hands in between your legs!!
I am really liking your responses now. You are great fun dude. Keep it going.
Anantha,
It is not as if you do NOT have a choice. If you do not wish to enter into an ‘argument’ or ‘fight’, you can ALWAYS pass onto another topic. There are plenty of topics with no one to argue with you, and I do not want to waste my time arguing with ‘no-debates’!
If you stay on to debate though, I would prefer answering pertinent questions and not being subjected to rage.
The bottomline is this : This topic here relates to VALUES ultimately. And it would be arrogance to suggest that feminism does not destroy sexual and family values and hence is not even remotely connected. As I said, Mumbai has presently a 40% divorce rate, and must be the underlying basis for ANY meaningful debate on the topic. And before shooting off again, Chennai, it must be understood, must certainly be following closely.
If you do have an open mind, do google for topics on feminism in India. Awareness always helps.
Nandhu,
Its all about economics (demand and supply) i thinks! There is probably 20 men available for every 1 girl in the love market in chennai. Whereas in Blore it maybe 5 guys for 1 girl or in Mumbai 2 guys for 1 girl.
Then comes grooming. Well for every 20 girls in Chennai, 15 are ‘non male’ category and the rest are in the ‘girl’ category. Whereas in Mumbai 15 will be in the ‘girl’ category and 5 in the ‘non male’.
From a Chennai guys point of view.. I hypothise the ‘lack of availability theory’ which says that sex is certainly overrated before marraige, and its demand fantacised when there is just no availability!
From a girls point of view, well .. all i can say is that ‘non males’ just dont dress well cause they dont want to stand out. This maybe attributed to the extremeties that they boys have to resort to due to the ‘lack of availability theory’.
So i think the solution to the conservative chennai theory will be demolished if women in ‘mass’ do the following things - stop wearing those silly oversized flouroscent churidars, get rid of those oily wiry pigtails, lose the mallipoo, and please start grooming up! I dont think there would be anything to complain for us guys if that happens, no?
Tsk, It is a strange myth that females somehow have lesser sexual needs or libido than men. This has been perpetrated by the media - alongwith perceptions of less female employment, etc.
It is only the subtlety and the methods used that varies between the sexes, with due diligence to the ‘values’ within the system.
These values however, have VASTLY changed along with growing feminism-encouraged-divorces and female empowerment, and one-night stands are certainly a new phenomenon.
Pre-marital sex may not have reached levels as in Mumbai. But I would nt agree with your ‘men-women’ ratios. They are much closer than that - if only one had the time and place. Especially among those beyond college years. But again, there are no reliable stats, and no ’survey’ will bring this up, unless a certain category of humans started speaking the truth.
Like my sarge said..
Its all about finding your target,
believing time is on my side,
focus, focus, focus and finally
for the kill..
You know when to pull the trigger,
your heart pounds, your target drops
It worked in the jungles of ‘Nam,
it worked in the jungles of NYC.
I am sure it will work in the beach sands..
cause I got the real love
The kind that you need
Youll come running back (said you would, baby)
If people can respect their partners and practice safe sex in a committed relationship then they are responsible adults. All others are wannabes and idiots who are under the wrong influence. Being promiscuous is bad and it has nothing to do with being married for both men and women. When a person can respect and get the same in return from the partner it doesn’t matter if the person is single, married ,gay or divorced. Getting laid for thrills cheapens the act for all involved.
Partha,
You are maligning divorced women. When a woman leaves her husband in India even if he is a murderer, abuser or rapist, people like you make the woman the villain. If your sister was being mistreated by her husband then would you support her if she left him? What if your father was raping you and your mother wanted to divorce him? Divorce is not fun and games like you mistake it to be. I support the sanctity of marriage but divorce should be an option for extreme cases. Also I think you are secretly crazy about Renuka!
Malini,
" … You are maligning divorced women. … Divorce is not fun and games like you mistake it to be…."
I am NOT maligning divorced even men OR women, and repeat, have NOTHING against divorce in any individual situation. I am only against scorned divorcees like Renuka, who provoke other women to divorce too, thus systematically demolishing the family in society.
This infective behaviour of feminists is well seen in US of A states where ‘no-fault’ divorces are allowed ( forfeiting even their financial benefits ). 73% ( 3 out of 4 )of such divorces are initiated by FEMALES. You may be in the remaining 23% category, but the mojority of females are influenced by scorned feminists to initiate divorce.
Violence against females that you refer to, is overreported. However, a CDC study showed that women were the perpetrators in 70% of nonreciprocal violence. Women are also just as likely to initiate reciprocal violence. Of course, if indeed there are REAL criminal issues are involved, as you claim, hysterically, there are plenty of laws existing already.
Marriage is supposed to be for life. Last time I knew, the vow went "for better or for worse". Problem is, as soon as the worse hits, a divorce is filed. There should ideally be provisions for filing a suit against a partner who files for a divorce when children are involved.
In America, men are forced to pay around 40% of their income to ex-wives, regardless of wrongdoing on the woman’s parts (often called "no-fault" alimony). She could commit adultery and beat her husband or kids, and none of it will influence the court’s decision.
More shockingly still, a woman can simply accuse her husband of sexual or physical abuse (or simply express a fear of it) and instantly win a restraining order forcing him away from his home and children, without so much as a hearing. In fact, most divorce lawyers will advise a woman to do this, and those who do not can be sued for legal malpractice.
And once she has the kids, the family court will be loath to enforce visitation rights for the father.
More than 50% of all marriages in the U.S. result in divorce — men’s rights are being increasingly overlooked to the benefit of women. Consider this: statistically, the first person to file for divorce usually wins. While 70% of all divorces are initiated by women, 85 to 90% of custody awards go to the women.
Dear Partha,
What happened yaar, love failure your gal cheated on you or many gals cheated on you or simply you don’t have work? You are replying to messages in a minute gap man!
I read something to do with, ‘hijacking the debate’, without substance of your own…….
CAN i ASK HOW MANY OF YOU ARE BRAHMINS OUT OF THE TEN WRITERS mentioned in this page. I know for sure more than 7 are Brahmins. If that’s the case how can you talk about the entire Chennai men, first you are in minority and you are horny and you think you can say anything about Tamil men. Also what’s the opinion of elders, teenagers and college folks I don’t see any stats or articles o facts here talking about their view on this topic! Just because a bunch of avools hijacking the blog doesn’t mean you can say anything and get away with it. When Dilip Muralitharan wrote about Stereotyping Brahmins you all kept quiet that says who you are all. I do appreciate you guys for kicking him out but having created lots of biases here, I do see other good authors staying away or simply quitting like Jacob for your idiosyncrasies! Partha you are living in U.S you are in India, another common craving among avools to use India and run to U.S and start comparing everything and anything with U.S. Loser if you have the guts suggest ideas for empowering India and making our9if yo think you are part of India that is) country strong don’t flaunt with others glory you sick piece of ….
ExChennaite,
As a rule, I try not to respond to derogatory references to my GENDER, caste, nationality or religion. I just consider such people as sad.
well, i guess the prospect of extra marital affairs is really appealing to humans at large, and how could you have an extra marital affair if you weren’t married?!!
an alternate theory would be: tamils are so repressed they have no clue about the sex before marriage. once they do, post tying the knot, they get all excited and want to make up for the opportunities they missed in the younger years!
Now only i understand…..all those looks given by our guys…so it’s not my mistake..it’s just that they are in such a pathetic condition…they are darned stupid and obviously live in a world full of illusions…thinking that a skirt wearing, foreign educated girl is free enough for any guy to sleep with….they are not loaded with the right attitude for life…what else to say!
Pathasarathy…as usual you rock! i can’t help imagining myself…nalla kaatha pidichu thiruvi, thalaiyela kottu kotti, ukaravachu ungalakku puthimathi solra mathri….You are too damn adamant with your ideas without stopping for a moment to listen to others…but guess we have started to accept and like parthasarathy with this flavor!
Ela,
As a rule, I try not to respond to derogatory references to my GENDER, caste, nationality or religion. I just consider such people as sad.
Parthasarathy,
What the US statistics on divorces has to do with Chennai metblogs? You have become one "Keeral Vizhntha Record" on your views of Feminism. Better argue what is relevant to the post.
Arun,
"Better argue what is relevant to the post."
Good idea! You first?
"women in ‘mass’ do the following things - stop wearing those silly oversized flouroscent churidars, get rid of those oily wiry pigtails, lose the mallipoo, and please start grooming up!"
TSk TSK, i think u r going to be nuked by the HMK or whom so ever for trying to kill the Hindu/Tamil culture/way of life!
And BTW what if we all decided to follow ur advice? what happens then? are there enough guys around who can then stand up to the raised standards of chennai girls grooming?
Ela,
" … raised standards of chennai girls grooming?"
There can be no real ‘raised STANDARDS’. There can only be different STYLES of ‘grooming’.
" TSk TSK, i think u r going to be nuked by the HMK or whom so ever for trying to kill the Hindu/Tamil culture/way of life! "
A second hysterical female reaction on this board! There can be no real opposition if feminists or masculinists, razed tamil/Indian or whatever culture to the ground. The only real opposition can be to lowering of traditional Indian VALUES - which difference needs to be understood especially by the females.
Parthasarathy,
—-
"Better argue what is relevant to the post."
Good idea! You first?
–
First step to do that is to remove irrelevant comments from the forum. I guess that is what I was trying to do.
Visithra here are the answers to your questions .
No one in this world can force (but can tell) another person what he has to do or not.
I think in modern india (this generation) girls even drink socially in office parties. And I recently read a stats saying, 30% of the india educated woman love to get drunk with their husband or Boy friends. So please dont say now a days people think bad about woman
if they drink. I have taken my once GF now fiance and soon wife a millions times to bar and clubs when I was in india.She was just 19 then. I used to enjoy whiskey while she enjoyed wine together or 2 large vodka with orange juice. May be you are associated with
people who think girls drinking is "IMMORAL" … PLEASE DO NOT GENERALISE.
Woman who work in IT , work in par with men, as woman always have claimed and proclaimed "WE ARE INPAR WITH MEN, WE CAN DO WHAT MEN CAN DO" , I did not hear / see any IT woman going home before 7 PM . Sadly 70% of the call center jobs are over night and 63% of call center
jobs is filled by woman, which means all those woman work over night and they are still good wifes / moms / daughters . Once again
by taking specific cases dont generalise . Woman looked up as an object of sex , is not the problem in india alone, its world wide,
In US its still worse, But here girls are smart to handle such people and they dont care abt what shit ppl talk abt them, they worry
abt what they have to. And indian girls are worried abt what other talk, not worried about what they want !!
"Why is every action of a women, scrutinized by so called moral police in the name of culture?"
I feel bad to answer such a silly question . Police scrutinize everybody, gender is not a matter. Infact men are scrutinized more and I know poor guys who have been treated badly because of "EVE TEASING" . I think you are reading too much woman liberation books.Please come to reality.
"The people who turned the temple dancers of the ancient art of Bharathanatyam into daasi’s?"
Daasi’s!! I think you have no idea abt sanskrit . If you did you wont even compare a holy Bharathanatyam dancer with daasi.
Do not talk / write anything with out proof.
"The ones who practiced infanticide?"
How can you prove that only men commited infanticide?? I can say 100% of the infanticide which happened , happened with the knowledge of the childs mother and in most cases mom was responsible for killing the child.
Refute this first , then I will agree to your argument.
"The ones who spend the night with mistress, abuse their wives and act as saints when daylight shines?"
I have argued with million people, "mistress" is also a woman, and with out her wish and will a man cannot do anything. And sadly woman
dont understand that they are pricking their own eyes by castigating another woman. If you want this culture to go off. Make woman strong
and ask them to work for their daily bread and butter rather than doing mistress job. (This applies to the woman who do mistress work).
"The ones who frequent prostitute dens and insist on virgin wives?"
If you had looked into recent stats 2006 , 40% of the indian girls have sex before marriage. And in delhi 32% of marriged woman have
extra marital affair. Average sex age in india for woman was 17-23 in the 1960′es (which was after marriage) , even now its 17, but when
the girl is in school. Tell me how many woman are out there, cheating their husbands, How many woman are there , Having had multiple
relation before marriage ? Please stop thinking and talking as though sex is a gift woman give to men, DO not forget its mutual. Its one form of showing ones love.
understand again, men give money and go since, there is some one to get money and sell their body, and that person is a woman. So if you
need virgin guys then stop prostitution which has to be done by woman!! not men. As long as there is some offering , there will be a crowd
to accept it.
Tsk Tsk,
I think it’s not economics. if we had more women in chennai than men, we would still be the same. i think we are hung up. we have ideas about what are good and bad morals. and good and bad culture. we are caught up in those.
partha,
i agree with nothing you say. some of you comments have nothing to do with my post. i dont think too many comments are in any case. and this post is not to encourage the debate in which you are taking part with such vitriolic enthusiasm. it is to merely point out that chennai men dont seem to get laid.
and everyone,
the chenthil in the post is http://chenthil.blogspot.com/
i meant to link to him. but forgot. he is also one of the metblog authors.
Partha is like a cranky old man who visits his grandkids in the US for a few months and thinks he knows everything. Usually such buzzards keep talking about all the failures of the west.So Partha keep wallowing in your self pity. You are afraid of women who are intelligent and know their rights. I hope someday you can see how hard it is for most women no matter what they do in life.
I have lived in America for 10 yrs can speak from what I know. While divorces are common here, there are also married couples and people living together who expect to remain that way for life.
namma pasanga yellam nalla pasanga… until and unless they get oppurtunity. They dont go for it with killer instincts. vantha laabam…varalena wait till marriage..
moreover they are chained by family values and society morale and are generally afraid to venture. (unlike many foreign countries)
I read something to do with, ‘hijacking the debate’, without substance of your own…….
CAN i ASK HOW MANY OF YOU ARE BRAHMINS OUT OF THE TEN WRITERS mentioned in this page. I know for sure more than 7 are Brahmins. If that’s the case how can you talk about the entire Chennai men, first you are in minority and you are horny and you think you can say anything about Tamil men. Also what’s the opinion of elders, teenagers and college folks I don’t see any stats or articles o facts here talking about their view on this topic! Just because a bunch of avools hijacking the blog doesn’t mean you can say anything and get away with it. When Dilip Muralitharan wrote about Stereotyping Brahmins you all kept quiet that says who you are all. I do appreciate you guys for kicking him out but having created lots of biases here, I do see other good authors staying away or simply quitting like Jacob for your idiosyncrasies! Partha you are living in U.S you are in India, another common craving among avools to use India and run to U.S and start comparing everything and anything with U.S. Loser if you have the guts suggest ideas for empowering India and making our9if yo think you are part of India that is) country strong don’t flaunt with others glory you sick piece of ….
Madhuthetom,
I agree with almost everything you have said!
It is the portrayal of males on TV serials, that has led to stereotyping of males as dirty, double speaking, double crossing, money and sex hungry beasts, that has led to such over-hyped respectability for womens ‘movements’ in India.
The women and quite a few men as well, are drunk to stupor on such falsehoods and pathetic generalisations, and think that men deserve all the bashing they get.
Nandhu, No doubt cultural VALUES of Chennai males play a role in the sensitive treatment of women by men - these VALUES are seen even in ‘advanced’ European countries and are nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe thats one tiny reason why Chennai divorces have nt caught up with Mumbai rates so fast. Women, left to themselves, will PREFER divorce rather than marriage. This has been proven in ‘no-fault-divorce’ states, where 73% divorces are initiated by women, inspite of getting NO financial incentives.
I think it would be arrogance on your part if you think that feminism has nothing to do with the portrayal of men in Chennai.
But all that depends on how much you treasure VALUES - which in turn depends on how much you think values in society, may ultimately affect you, as an individual.
Parthasarathy????? is talking as if -Part has a rathy! hehehehehehe! Loser!!!!!! Hohoho! Cool!!!!
No doubt cultural VALUES of Chennai males play a role in the sensitive treatment of women by men
Parthasarathy: Divorce rates are NOT the only indicator of a society’s moral downturn, just like batting average (to use a cricketing analogy) is NOT the only indicator of a batsman’s caliber.
Go ask the average woman in Chennai on how she is treated in general. Travel in the crowded buses in Chennai and keep your eyes open to see how many women are physically harassed.
Why ask other women (since you seem to think that women are the root of all evil in the modern Indian society), go pick one woman in your own family that YOU trust (your mother perhaps, or your daughter) and ask her about her experience.
And then come back here and talk to us about how Chennai men treat women with sensitivity.
I think it would be arrogance on your part if you think that feminism has nothing to do with the portrayal of men in Chennai.
You and your types are so full of crap. Your ability to throw up mundane statistics to prove a vague point is outright hilarious. More than our arrogance, it is irresponsible on your part to blame feminism as the root of all evil.
One of these days I’d love to meet your overlord, since all of you seem so brainwashed enough that you repeat the same words in a monotone as if you went through a careful program of indoctrination to become part of this cult.
Ex-Chennaite: Why are you hell bent on making this a Brahmin vs others discussion?
Anantha, " Why ask other women… go pick one woman in your own family that YOU trust (your mother perhaps, or your daughter) and ask her about her experience."
Exactly the kind of feminist indoctrination that portrays the ‘evil male’ and ‘females are all victims’ stereotype that I was warning off when I said - I think it would be arrogance on your part if you think that feminism has nothing to do with the portrayal of men in Chennai. Why do females think that being born a female is itself a crime committed against her by society, needing instant redressal in the form of pampering?
And I am refering only to feminism and NOT that ‘all females are evil’ as you suggest I do.
As for divorce not being a moral indicator, it might not. But the survival of marriage as an institution is good for society and especially later generations at large. This view may, however, differ from person to person. But as seen from the stats I quoted ( from the USA ), seem to have the GREATEST opposition from feminists, especially the scorned and divorced types.
Before I get stereotyped as a power hungry, angry at male, divorcee….let me say I am happily married, successful woman with a very successful husband. My need for independence both mentally , physically and my husbands ability to respect it does not make me a feminist or a wimp.
Btw on statistics of divorce, Mr parthasarathy you should also check on stats of women being abused by men (physically, emotionally ) abused visa a vis the stats on man being abused by women. Divorce being initiated by women becomes apparent thus. However as you say if 73% is so true in this ‘no-fault-divorce’ states. How about the huge percentage of women across the world who live under dire circumstance. As can be seen , better be the stick than the donkey. Of course the donkey is making the run!
By no means does a average women want divorce, circumstance force them. Well women in this generation are financially independent and can take the walk when she knows things are bad for her, we cant say the same about the women of the past…In the past thrashing up a women for offences are justified as she is often put on track by the ever correct male. Hence the reason to cry, whine, whimper but stick up to the so called sacred matrimony…
Btw women of the finacially independent variety has moved on and so have a lot of men … unfortunately some are stuck in the past of not having women slave up to them… Bad for them world has moved on in a irreversible trend.
Whats with the nudity thing….. if a women wears shorts at her own choice… what gives the so called moral police to jump on her…Just imagine what women are to deal with …men appearing topless on streets practically everywhere…some with lungi folded up until the entire briefs show up…and to top it all most of them look gross doing that! Do you see us women jump all around asking to shut this off….Atleast in most cases women who wear shorts or whatever else knows she looks good to a average max of the population.
Women dont looked to pampered, we look for equality….unfortunately for the some men it is going to be that way you like it or not!
Before I get stereotyped as a power hungry, angry at male, divorcee….let me say I am happily married, successful woman with a very successful husband. My need for independence both mentally , physically and my husbands ability to respect it does not make me a feminist or a wimp.
Btw on statistics of divorce, Mr parthasarathy you should also check on stats of women being abused by men (physically, emotionally ) visa a vis the stats on man being abused by women. Divorce being initiated by women becomes apparent thus. However as you say if 73% is so true in this ‘no-fault-divorce’ states. How about the huge percentage of women across the world who live under dire circumstance..how sad!. As can be seen , better be the stick than the donkey. Of course the donkey is making the run!
By no means does a average women want divorce, circumstance force them. Well women in this generation are financially independent and can take the walk when she knows things are bad for her, we cant say the same about the women of the past…In the past thrashing up a women for offences are justified as she is often put on track by the ever correct male. Hence the reason to cry, whine, whimper but stick up to the so called sacred matrimony…
Btw women of the finacially independent variety has moved on and so have a lot of men … unfortunately some are stuck in the past of not having women slave up to them… Bad for them world has moved on in a irreversible trend.
Whats with the nudity thing….. if a women wears shorts at her own choice… what gives the so called moral police to jump on her…Just imagine what women are to deal with …men appearing topless on streets practically everywhere…some with lungi folded up until the entire briefs show up…and to top it all most of them look gross doing that! Do you see us women jump all around asking to shut this off….Atleast in most cases women who wear shorts or whatever else knows she looks good to a average max of the population.
Marriage is good as long as it has mutual respect, mutual commitment and a good physical / mental relationship. Divorce is a good option when thinks are bad for a man or a woman. Women dont looked to pampered, we look for equality….unfortunately for the some men it is going to be that way you like it or not!
The reason I asked you to go and speak to women you trust is because I HAVE and you seemingly haven’t. And the experiences they told me about, don’t really make me proud to be male. Don’t insult them by attributing their complaints to "a need to be pampered". They don’t need to tell me about the day an idiot manhandled them in a MTC bus for me to start treating them like a queen or a princess. I do that already because they are either family or friends that I trust.
But the survival of marriage as an institution is good for society and especially later generations at large.
Well, any institution that preaches well-being of itself over the well-being of its individual constituents is never good for the society, be it educational institutions, business organizations or the hypothetical institution that is marriage.
And feminism has nothing to do with it. I am not sure you understand that. Attributing divorces to "feminism" and nothing else, is not just misinformed, but plain STUPID.
For some reason, you seemed to be confusing progression of society with regression of culture. And that is the argument of an anachronistic mind. I don’t think I can convince you in this regard, but I don’t think you are prepared to talk about this with a open mind either.
We exist in a largely civil society. So crime of any sort is a minority. I still don’t think there is any need YET to jump up and down and cry. There will be women who use loopholes in the law just like there will be males who use other loopholes for their own purposes.
It is really sad that a really interesting blog topic which would have in its own right generated an inspired debate, been diverted to arguing a point about rights and wrongs of ‘feminism’.
I wish Nandhu would restart the debate and people can bring themselves to ignore irrelevant (to this topic) points raised by the sad Mr.Parthasarathy.
‘Happy’ Anand,
"I wish Nandhu would restart the debate"
Did you REALLY mean that? Maybe we will have to wait a really long long time to hear your side of the argument. LOL
Anantha, where in the west, do you get seperate buses and trains for females, most of which are empty, and even ques seperate for females ( thankfully this is getting outdated )? If this is nt PAMPERING, what is?
Roopa raj,
Yours is a case of the devil quoting the scriptures!
IF the ‘female-initiated no-fault divorces’ were BELOW 50%, I would have agreed with your TV serial-inspired hysteria about females ‘remaining’ in ’suffocating’ marriages and all other such feminist ‘persecution complex’ crap. Remember that these divorces happen without even financial incentives for the female.
Here in India however, in addition to recent ‘feminism inspired respectability’, you also have additional financial ‘incentives’ - ‘maintainence’, etc. Where is the ‘compulsion’ for the female that you are pontificating about?
It is unfortunate that sad and sulking females like you are responsible for provoking other females to do things they normally would nt like to.
So how can you substantiate your argument using these above stats, when they infact PROVE the opposite?
Sleepy Chennai is still largely INNOCENT to feminism and is still lusting for ‘innocent teenager-mentality-sex’. It is only now very very slowly waking to the ugly effects of feminism.
However, with stats such as these : divorce rates set to touch 40% at LEAST ( meaning 40% of females leading unattached, but ‘maintained’ lives ) and with 63% BPO employees working late night shifts being FEMALES ( Vs 37% males ), feminist hysteria is soon set to become a major force to reckon with for males.
Hence awareness of feminism, and a little more organisation among males will help.
Ladies and Gents, this site was to rejoice about chennai and keep up with current happenings. Not for lossers to rant there theories and put down females! The entire topics on any relation oriented topics seems to be getting hijacked by Parthasarathy and hence getting one and all riled up enough to respond to his views.
Talking of votes, I say we vote on getting annoying people off the blogs, administrator I vote for Parthasarathy to be out! Other who agree please respond
Good and finally. My vote is in Mr Parthasarathy please get out.
Anantha, where in the west, do you get seperate buses and trains for females, most of which are empty, and even ques seperate for females ( thankfully this is getting outdated )? If this is nt PAMPERING, what is?
You are not joking right? Did you even read what I said earlier? If you haven’t, I suggest you do. And if you have, go read it again. And if you still have this question, go ask this question to a woman you trust and like and respect. And if you don’t know a woman that fits that description, I have only pity to offer.
I am out of here!
Anantha, where in the west, do you get seperate buses and trains for females, most of which are empty, and even ques seperate for females ( thankfully this is getting outdated )? If this is nt PAMPERING, what is?
You are joking right? Did you even read what I said earlier about talking to women in my family/friends? If you haven’t, I suggest you do. And if you have, go read it again.
And if you still have this question, go ask this new question to a woman you trust and like and respect. You dont have to come and repeat the answer here, for it seems that everyone else here knows what the answer it.
But, if you don’t know a woman that fits that description, I have only pity to offer.
I think the old saying about leading a horse to the water trough applies here. One can only do so much. I am out of here!
haha! I will join in the chorus. Parthasarathy out of this blogs
Wow wow! ladies . Parrot sarathy is convincing no one. Men love women of all kind- the feminists, docilists whatever. I find the spirited variety particularly worthy of respect. Poor P is just a self gratifying sucker. If it helps you have my vote. Out you sucker!
The Chennai male still thinks of sex in terms of romance and lust. He is still in the days of Gemini Ganesan, while the female has moved on to higher ’standards’ and western ’styles’.
It reminds me of Jaws, where the innocent play on the shallow waters, not realising the dangers the lurks closeby. Chennai males are oblivious to the dangers of ‘life after lust’.
Males have always been known for their pampering of females. Witness our very own Taj Mahal. There are, in fact, males who are actually feminists full time, thinking they are morally superior since it is their job to protect the ‘weaker’ of the species.
In those days, the female got lighter work at home, while the male slogged it out throughout the day to protect her. And household ‘chores’ that feminists scream about, were not comparitively what they are today.
These days however, when BPO jobs have become the easier work, it is still the females who get preference there. If you are at an interview and the interviewer is male, it is the female who gets preference. God save you even if it is a female interviewer! Either way you are screwed! Nothing has changed, you might say. The males still do the dangerous physical, non-rewarding jobs - like guarding the frontiers.
What has changed however, is that, with females getting more opportunities, they are walking out of marriages, as seen in the no-fault divorce states that I quoted. Blaming, like is their second nature, their spouses. And scorned scumbags like Renuka are seeing to it that young males get abused legally too. Feminism is not a cause, but certainly a catalyst. Financial incentives in the form of ‘maintainence’ makes you think that it is a MIRACLE that females want to stay within marriages if at all - as a status symbol, you might say!
Not that marriage is an ideal solution. It was invented by religion and tradition and may die a natural death. But what revolts is the leverage that females seek to have at divorce.
Chennai males are not immune from how feminism is changing society. Getting laid is NO big deal. And so is divorce. It is only when the law hits innocent people like you that you will wake up to the realities.
Those who are convinced, please sign the petition.
Those who are still not convinced however, may ponder over the timeless poem by Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892-1984) … " First they came for the Jews…"
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Anyone else wants an argument?
hehehe everyone has taken a bit of your ass already Partha paiya, where will you have the gas for another argument????????